The women sharing their stories here on Our Messy Lives have Seen Some Shit. A lot of it, actually, and we're not just talking about dirty diapers.
We write because we must, and we write because it's good for us.
Writing--preferably while working with a mental health professional--is a powerful strategy for understanding your own emotional trauma. There is a substantial body of research that supports expressive writing to release trauma and improve how we process issues that compromise our quality of life.
Expressive writing can be a private act. The whole point is to turn feelings into words that no one criticizes or tries to shame. In fact, writing just for yourself is cathartic. If you worry that someone will see what you have written, you can destroy it immediately, but the act of writing is important.
Prepare to write
The most important preparation is to find a time and place where you won’t be disturbed.
If you have had serious trauma in your life or have PTSD, be gentle with yourself as you write. Pay attention to whether you are really ready to put pen to paper. Set yourself up in comfortable surroundings, with everything you need for emotional and physical support. We suggest that you pop over to one of our favorite blogs Moon Emissary and read Alicia's advice for creating a safe space for writing about trauma. She says to expect to be triggered, but that the writing should not re-traumatize you. Throughout the writing process, you should check in with yourself and watch for indications that you need to pause the writing. These include changes in breathing, heart rate, mood, and increased anxiety and tension.
Try this method
One way of structuring this kind of writing is the Pennebaker Paradigm. Researchers have found excellent results from this exercise. To follow the protocol, you would use the following prompt, for 20 minutes at a time for 4 days straight. Don't try to fix the feelings that come up. Just write continuously for the allotted time.
Over the next four days, I want you to write about your deepest emotions and thoughts about the most upsetting experience in your life. Really let go and explore your feelings and thoughts about it. In your writing, you might tie this experience to your childhood, your relationship with your parents, people you have loved or love now, or even your career. How is this experience related to who you would like to become, who you have been in the past, or who you are now? Many people have not had a single traumatic experience but all of us have had major conflicts or stressors in our lives and you can write about them as well. You can write about the same issue every day or a series of different issues. Whatever you choose to write about, however, it is critical that you really let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts.
Or something else
Although the Pennebaker Paradigm is very successful, Pennebaker himself says that expressive writing doesn't have to follow those precise rules to have the same health and mental benefits. He suggests that you commit to writing for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least three or four consecutive days, or a fixed day and time for several weeks (for example, every Thursday evening for this month). You can choose to write about the same thing in every session or something different each day.
This is more like a brain dump than any writing you would do for school. It is all about the process, not the product of the writing. Once you start writing, you write continuously, not worrying about spelling or grammar, or even making sense. If you run out of things to write about, repeat what you have already written.
Other prompts for expressive writing
You can also start with a simple prompt like, “What feelings are coming up for you today?” By following the same freewriting process for a set amount of time, you can work through some of the emotions that are bubbling up and dump them out on paper. This kind of journaling as a reflective practice can be a great addition to your self-care toolbox.
Decompress Afterwards
Moon Emissary also recommends a decompression routine after spending time exploring trauma. She suggests engaging in positive activities like yoga or being outdoors for at least half an hour after the writing session.
Emotional & Physical Benefits
The mental and physical benefits of expressive writing are clear. When we get the secrets of our pain down on paper, even when no one else reads it, our bodies release pent-up stress. Studies show that expressive writing offers long-term physical benefits, including improved immune function, reduction in blood pressure, lowered heart rate, and, ultimately, a reduced need for physician visits.
"Keeping secrets is physical work"
How does this work? When you keep a secret, you have to work to hold back the words, thoughts, and behaviors related to that secret. That is work for the body maintaining "fight or flight" systems, increasing sweating, heart rates, and the other responses a polygraph test measures. Like all kinds of chronic stress, long-term repression affects all parts of the body-- including musculoskeletal, respiratory, cardiovascular, endocrine, gastrointestinal, nervous, and reproductive systems. The harder you have to work to keep feelings inside, the more physical damage takes place.
Hanging onto our emotional secrets also disrupts thought processes and can cause memory and attention problems. If we don't translate traumatic experiences into words--through writing or talking--our minds have difficulty organizing thoughts about the event. According to Pennebaker & Smith, "One reason we often obsess about a disturbing experience is that we are trying to understand it." While our brains are busy obsessing about trauma, we don't have the bandwidth to think about everyday things. So memory suffers. We have a hard time dealing with everyday tasks. Living life sucks. I'm not saying that writing about your emotions will fix everything that ails you. But you might give it a shot and add it to your coping toolbox.
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